Push Me Again and I'll Hit You
by ARRRT
Summary: After being chased off of Earth for treason, Sam, Gaz, and Dib have to survive on the Massive with Zim and Gir. A sequel to "Everyone Needs A Push"
1. Chapter 1

"Don't touch anything. Don't say anything. Don't look the Tallests in the eyes. Don't stare at the Tallests. Don't speak to the Tallests. If the Tallests speak to you, you can only say "yes, my Tallests". Don't be rude. Don't be smart. Obey my _every_ command and don't contradict Zim or I will rain down a hail of DOOM upon you!" Zim piloted the Voot Runner closer to the Massive. "Do I make myself clear?"

Gir nodded.

"Good. And you Earth-monkeys just be good."

"Call me that again, Zim," Gaz stood, rolled up her sleeves, and clenched her hands into fists.

"Gaz, we're in the middle of deep space and he's the one driving the ship. Do you really want to start this now?" Sam hissed.

Gaz gave her a look so dark that Sam reeled backwards and hit her head against the window.

"There _are_ video games on that stupid space ship thing, right?" Gaz asked, crossing her arms and sitting back down. She missed her video games more than she missed her own father.

"Games? There will be no time for games! We will be starting a new mission as soon as we get there," Zim said.

"Do you really think they'll give you another one?" Dib asked.

"Of course! My Tallests wish there were more of me to give even more missions to."

"One of you is plenty," Sam scoffed.

"I really am amazing. Glad you agree." They could almost hear the wooshing sound of the insult going over Zim's head.

"Are we there yet?" Gir crawled over the seat and peeked over Zim's shoulder, his little arms clinging on to his master's back.

"Almost. The Massive is just up ahe-"

"Are we there yet?"

"Gir, I just said-"

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes, Gir! We're there! Alright?"

Gir squealed and broke for the button that opened the window. The Earthlings in back shrieked and yanked him away.

"But master said-"

"Your master's a dirty rotten liar!" Sam said.

"Hey!" Zim called back. "Remember who's suppose to be a _respectful_ human slave."

"Sorry, _our_ master is a dirty rotten liar."

Dib laughed and Gaz smiled. Gir looked sadly to Sam. "So, we're not there yet?"

"Nope."

Gir sat down and folded his hands. "...Are we there yet?"

* * *

"I don't know, Zim." Tallest Red walked by the line of humans to examine them like show dogs. They were in the control room, where the Tallests always seemed to be, and Zim had just told them the story he and the humans had agreed upon. "They seem kind of...small. What makes you think they'd be good help?"

"Small? They're the same size as me, my Tallest."

"As I said, what makes you think they'd be good help?"

"Wait," Purple cut in. "Did you say you left Earth because it was no good?"

"My Tallests, they may not be the brightest and one might have a freakishly large head-"

Dib was about to protest, but Gaz pinched his arm.

"-but I assure you, with my brilliant brilliantness I will be able to train them to be the best slaves the Irken race has ever seen."

"I don't know. We've had a lot of slaves," Red said, skeptical.

Purple looked to Zim. "How is Earth no good? Weren't you completely obsessed with it not even a few days ago? What changed?"

"My Tallests, with my superior leadership skills and intellect, these filthy worm-babies will surpass all the other slaves put together!"

"Can they talk?" Red waved a hand in front of the humans' faces.

Gaz, Sam, and Dib had been standing very tense and very still, looking forward. They had to in order not to laugh at Zim's ridiculous self-praise and to keep themselves from interrupting the conversation. They relaxed slightly when Red got close to them.

"Hello, humans," he said slowly as if they were foreign speakers.

"Hi," Sam said.

"Hello," Dib said.

Gaz growled. She was going through video game withdrawals and it was not pleasant.

"All your reports made it seem like Earth was a great place to conquer," Purple continued. "And why didn't you warn- uh, tell us ahead of time that you were coming back? It would've been nice to get a heads up."

"Purple, can I see you for a second?" Red pulled the second Tallest aside and dropped his voice so Zim and the humans couldn't hear. "We can't have Zim back here! Operation Impending Doom 2 was just starting to get serious! Zim will mess it all up again!"

"Then let's give him a new planet to take over and send him on his way."

"There _are_ no other planets. Earth was found by mistake, remember? And I am _not_ letting him get a planet we targeted for Doom 2."

"Then give him something to do here that will keep him so busy he won't have time to mess anything up."

Tallests Red and Purple thought for a minute, then perked up as they both got an idea.

"Alright, Zim," Tallest Red said, coming back to the group, "since you were the one who brought these, uh..."

"Wonderful additions to the Irkens' slaves," Zim said.

"Yes, that. Since you brought them, we are giving you the exclusive honor of training them. Teach them how to clean and build stuff and whatnot."

"They already know how to do all that," Zim said. "Don't I get a new planet to take over?"

"But this is far more important, Zim!" Purple said. "Everything will crumble if our slaves aren't trained to perfection! Even a tiny mistake will...will make things crumble!" Zim didn't respond. "And if you train them well, we will let you train all the future slaves."

Red made frantic "no" gestures behind Zim's back, but was too late.

"Hmm," Zim said, "an army of Irk's pathetic and defeated enemies under my amazing rule? Obeying my every command? Yes! Yes, I'll do it! Thank you, my Tallests! You will not be disappointed!"

Red and Purple forced a smile. "Great," Red said through clenched teeth. "Well, off you go then. I'm sure you have a lot of training to do." He quickly ushered the group to the door. "Bye now."

"Thank you again, my-" The door slammed shut.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Still don't own anything except Sam! But don't worry, she's only a few thousand away from buying her freedom.

* * *

"So now what?" Sam asked, looking out the empty hallway's window. There were a lot of stars out there and it made her feel a bit uncomfortable. Gir was right next to her, trying to balance himself on his head.

"I guess I have to find a job for all of you to do," Zim said scornfully. "What, if anything, are you humans good at?"

"Video games."

"Paranormal investigating."

"Cooking."

The group turned to Sam.

"Yeah. It doesn't come up much."

"Can you cook for Irkens?" Zim asked.

"You guys eat?"

"HOPELESS! All of you!"

"Hey, don't blame me! I've never seen you eat before!"

"You're lying!" Zim shouted. "Fine. Since none of you have any useful skills, you'll just have to start from the bottom and work your way up. Sam will start in the cafeteria, Gaz can work with the janitors and the Dib-filth..." Zim looked at him.

Dib's arm was still broken and in a sling. Zim had almost forgotten about that. Noticing Zim's gaze, Dib glared at him as if to say "remember, this was _your_ doing."

Zim picked Gir up and tossed him to Dib. He caught him with his good arm.

"You babysit Gir."

"Why do I have to watch him?"

"Because you're useless with a broken arm. Besides, if you can handle Gir, you'd already have an advantage on all the other slaves."

"I want tacos!" Gir shouted. Dib dropped him and the robot clattered to the floor.

"I _hate_ cleaning," Gaz growled. "Let me do something else."

"You hate everything," Sam hissed.

"Slaves don't get to choose what they do, stink-beast," Zim said.

Gaz scowled. At that moment, the door opened and a slave with a mop stepped in and started cleaning the floor. Gaz's expression softened. She would have no trouble getting another slave to do her work. She was scary when she needed to be and they'd fall over themselves in their haste to do her chores.

The first thing the group did was take Sam to the cafeteria. It was a big expanse of floor with stands, shops, and cafés selling pre-made, prepackaged, and instant food and beverages. Most of the things they were selling looked like normal Earth food.

"You have donuts?" Sam asked as they walked by a stand. There was a tray full of the pastries on top of the counter, each with different colored frosting and sprinkles. "_And_ soda?"

"Nonsense! Despite their similar appearance and names, they're completely different from your Earth junk. They're made out of different things."

Gaz slipped a donut off the counter when the clerk wasn't watching and took a bite. She handed it to Sam who did the same and gave it to Dib. Gir swiped it out of Dib's hands the second he took a bite and shoved the donut in his mouth.

"It tastes...good, I guess," Sam said, chewing. "Different, not great, but good."

"They were brought in from Foodcourtia," Zim explained as they continued past the eating area. "Made by the Vortions. And stop stealing food!"

"There are a lot of snack foods," Sam pointed out. "Where's all the fresh cooked meats or pastas or soups or vegetables?"

Zim stopped them at the far wall of the cafeteria. They were standing in front of a large and very long window. Inside, they could see a kitchen so clean that it looked like it had never been used before. There were microwaves, walk-in freezers, stoves, sinks, ovens, and everything else a cook could ever dream of seeing. Zim pushed Sam to a door on the side and opened it. They were greeted by four bored-looking Irkens.

The Irkens were a head taller than the kids, but still fairly short. They jumped when the door opened and backed away from Zim.

"It's you!" one of them said. "What are_ you_ doing back here? I thought you were banished-" his friend elbowed him, "-I mean, uh, sent to a far away planet?"  
"I was, but that's not important right now. I brought you help." Zim pushed Sam into the kitchen and she immediately started exploring. "She's an excellent cook and remember to tell the Tallests that it was the amazing Zim who trained her to be that way. She was a lost cause before I came around and my brilliance has rubbed off on her." Zim closed the door behind him and left with the remaining two humans.

"You didn't train her!" Dib said. "You didn't do anything!"

"I showed the monkey where the kitchen was, didn't I? That counts as training."

"If that's training to you, then that explains why you're so bad at everything."

"Watch yourself, mud-worm, or I'll take you right back to Earth!"

"And then do what? Tell the Tallests that the "amazing" Zim couldn't even control a single human slave?"

"Why you insolent little-" Zim made frustrated noises and growls.

A light bulb went on in Dib's brain. Dib was right. Zim would never take him back to Earth because Zim would rather die than look bad in front of the Tallests. Dib could use that to his advantage.

The next one to be dropped off somewhere was Gaz. They wandered around the Massive until they found a group of janitors going door-to-door, cleaning the Irkens' rooms. Zim brought Gaz over to them with Gir and Dib following.

"Can it be Zim?" one of the slaves said in awe. The janitors clearly weren't Irken as they were purple with long dog ears hanging by their heads. "It is! The most amazing Irken ever!"

"You think _he's_ amazing?" Dib asked.

"Of course! He was the sole reason for the failure of Operation Impending Doom 1! Where he is, disaster for Irk is sure to follow! All of my people adore him!"

"I'll have you know Irk's mission will crumble without me!" Zim shouted. "Here, have another pathetic addition to your sad little work force." Gaz stepped forward and growled at the little purple alien. "And be sure to tell the Tallests I trained her to be the wonderful worker she is now." Zim turned and left without another word. Dib followed him.

"And then there was _you_," Zim said, turning to Dib.

"Where do I go?" he asked as Gir climbed up his trench coat and hung over his shoulder.

"Anywhere as long as you make a good impression on people," Zim answered. "Like the library. Show them you can keep Gir quiet in the library."

"Will we ever be able to go back?" Dib asked.

"It's a library, not a death trap. Of course you could-"

"No, I mean back to Earth. Isn't there some way we could make peace with the Swollen Eyeballs again?"

"Why in the name of all things bright and shiny would you want to go back to that giant ball of filth?"

"Never mind," Dib snarled and began walking away, carrying Gir on his shoulder.

Zim chased after the human. "You should be grateful to Zim! I got you out of that wasteland and when everyone on Earth is destroyed, you will not only be alive, but given the honor and privilege of being one of Irk's slaves."

"Earth _won't_ be destroyed, remember? You left it because it was "no good". It's no longer targeted!"

Zim stopped walking. Dib continued on.

It was true. Zim failed his mission no matter what the Tallests believed. The planet he was given was no longer targeted and Zim was no longer authorized to destroy it. _Earth won't be destroyed, remember?_

"We'll see about that," Zim whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

"And you," Gaz pointed to a purple, dog-eared slave who shrunk back from her finger in fright. "Clean the windows. You," Gaz pointed to another slave, "wash the floor in this room. And it better be so clean that I can see my face in it!"

The slaves rushed to do as they were told. Gaz turned to the Irken standing next to her, who was holding a clipboard, and asked, "is there anything else that needs to be done?"

"Well, there doesn't seem to be. Not at this moment, anyway."

"Good. Take me to where you guys keep the video games."

The Irken motioned Gaz to follow her and lead the human upstairs to a nearby recreation room. There were multiple TVs, couches, bookcases filled with books, video games, snack boxes, and about twenty Irkens lounging around. Given the size of the room, it wasn't too crowded. Gaz walked by the TV sets where the games were being played and scowled. She didn't recognize any of them. Oh well, a game is still a game.

Gaz came up to a group of three Irkens playing a spaceship shooter game and shoved one of the players out of the way, taking his controller as she did.

"Hey!" he shouted, hitting the ground.

"Shut up," Gaz said. It only took her a few seconds to figure out the controls and she began playing immediately. The other two players stopped what they were doing and looked at her.

"Hey," the second player said, "you can't just-"

The game buzzed as Gaz destroyed player two's ship. The Irkens jumped back to their controllers to fend her off. The Irken on the floor stood up and made a move like he was going to grab the controller from Gaz, but he stopped when he saw her take down both players' ships with a single attack.

"How did you _do _that?" he asked as the other two groaned in defeat.

"Amateurs," Gaz scoffed.

By the third round, a few other Irkens had made their way over to watch Gaz annihilate the other players. The small crowd drew an even larger crowd and the group continued to grow until every Irken in the room was watching Gaz play.

"I play the winner!" someone said.

"I call next!"

"I want to fight her!"

It wasn't long until Gaz had beaten all of the nearby Irkens.

"You're amazing!" one of her newest rivals said. "Teach me how you did that!"

"Aren't you one of the slaves Zim brought over from Earth? Did he teach you this?" someone else asked.

"_Zim_?" Gaz said. "He wishes. Zim couldn't play a video game to save his life."

The Irkens laughed at Zim's expense and gathered around Gaz to talk and to challenge her to other games. With every game she played and excelled at, Gaz's popularity among the Irkens grew.

And that was how Gaz became popular.

* * *

"Ew," Sam said, looking at the concoction one of the Irken cooks was making. "What is that? It smells disgusting."

"Tastes disgusting, too." He tossed the mush into the trash can.

"Why don't you cook something good?"

"We were trying to."

"No wonder snacks are so popular here. No one can cook!"

"The Irkens have more important things to worry about than cooking! Like universal conquests and defeating our enemies."

"So you eat like garbage? Doesn't seem like a very good trade to me." Sam dug around the cupboards and pulled out some ingredients and pots. "What recipe are you following?

"We don't have any recipes."

"Then we'll have to make our own. Let's start with something simple like spaghetti. Fill this pot with water."

One of the Irken cooks took the pot from Sam and gave her a confused look. Sam was too busy poking through the cupboard to notice.

"Water?" he asked.

"You don't have water here?" Sam stopped rummaging and looked at the cooks. They shook their heads.

_That's going to cause some problems later_, Sam thought. "Then what do you drink?"

"Soda, tea, milk..."

"Tea? What do you mix the tea leaves in with?"

"Aquacium, of course."

"Then fill the pot with that stuff and heat it up until it boils. It _does_ boil, right?" The cooks nodded. "Good."

When the aquacium was boiling, Sam dropped some noodles into the pot, cooked them for eleven minutes, and then dumped them out in a colander. She tasted the pasta and grimaced. It didn't taste like Earth noodles at all. These ones were spicy and they burned her mouth. This wouldn't do.

"What do you have that's sweet?" Sam asked.

The Irkens brought a variety of sweet ingredients over for Sam to try. She tasted, added, tasted, took out, and then asked for something salty. The ingredients she mixed in with the noodles and the sauce seemed to disgust the aliens and Sam was quick to figure out why. It was like one of them coming to Earth and mixing together bacon, vinegar, honey, and sandwiches in a tub of maple syrup. But Sam knew her tastes and the ends justified the means.

She tried the finished product and it tasted delicious even though it still burned her mouth for reasons she couldn't place. She let the cooks try it and they loved it as well.

"This is amazing!"

"This is the best thing I've ever eaten!"

"I want more!"

"We have to let other people try this!"

The cooks set bowls of Sam's creation out on the window sill and called Irkens over to try some.

"How did you make this?"

"I love it!"

"What else can you do?"

"Did Zim _really_ teach you how to make this?"

"Zim?" Sam laughed. "Zim couldn't cook his way out of a potluck for the tastebudless."

The Irkens laughed and crowded around Sam to talk and share food. With every new dish she brought out, Sam's popularity among the Irkens grew.

And that was how Sam became popular.

* * *

Gir would not shut up. The Irkens in the library glared at Dib and the little robot as Gir climbed up on the bookcases, chittering like a chipmunk and throwing books at the human's head.

"Gir!" Dib finally shouted. "Come down here right now!"

"Ok!" Gir let go of the bookcase and fell on top of Dib. He sat quietly on the boy's back, smiling.

Gir was suddenly lifted and he shrieked, but his cries were cut short. Dib, holding his broken arm that started hurting thanks to the fall, got to his knees and looked up to see an Irken girl holding a book and Gir's limp body. Gir's eyes were gray and lifeless.

"All Sir Units, no matter how defective, have off switches." The Irken helped Dib to his feet and handed him the little robot. "What happened to your arm?'

"Zim happened." The Irken girl nodded like that was all she needed to hear to understand completely. "What are you reading?"

"A book on ghosts. Have you read it before?"

"No. I stopped reading those when my own paranormal experience was different than how the books said it would be."

"You...you've had your own paranormal experience?"

"Lots. Not only with ghosts, either."

Dib and the Irken girl, along with Gir's lifeless body, moved to a seating area to discuss all things paranormal. Dib had many stories and theories to share and the Irken listened intently to each and every one. The library was quiet except for Dib talking, so it was easy for people to listen in on the tales. Little by little, the Irkens in the seating area scooted closer to Dib's table to listen to him talk. Soon, they got up and joined him at his table. When there were no more chairs, they sat on the ground or brought their own over. Soon, everyone in the library was gathered around the human.

"Tell us more about the Loch Ness Monster!"

"Bigfoot was really using the belt sander?"

"Then what happened with the Swollen Eyeballs?"

"Earth doesn't believe in us?"

Did answered every question thrown at him, smiling. This was the first time in his life where people not only believed him, but wanted to hear what he had to say. He was loving every second of it.

"You're Zim's slave, right? Did he really teach you all this?" the original Irken girl asked.

"No way! Zim wouldn't know paranormal if it came up and bit him!"

The Irkens laughed and continued pestering Dib for more stories. With every tale he told, Dib's popularity among the Irkens grew.

And that was how Dib became popular.

And that was how Zim became jealous of his slaves.


	4. Chapter 4

"Sam, can you get the door, please?" Dib mumbled, half-asleep and buried in blankets.

Sam replied tiredly from the bed's top bunk, "I don't know, can I?"

"_May_ you get the door please?"

"I don't know. May I?"

"Sam, get the door!"

"First ask nicely!"

A pillow flew up from the separate bed on the other side of the room and hit Sam in the face. Gaz, who had thrown the pillow, jumped out of bed and stormed to the door. She unlocked it and was immediately shoved to the side by Zim.

"What happened?" Dib asked mockingly, sitting up and putting on his glasses. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Don't get snarky, hideous mud-worm!"

"Then don't wake us up in the middle of the night."

"We're in space! It's _always_ night!"

"Take it outside, your stupidity is making my head hurt," Gaz demanded, closing the door.

"This is about all three of you," Zim said, standing in the middle of the room. "Sam, you're no longer on kitchen duty."

"What?" Sam asked, swinging her feet over the edge of the bed.

"You get Gaz's job. Dib, you're on kitchen duty.

"With my arm like this?" he asked, confused.

"And Gaz gets to babysit Gir."

"If that hunk of metal comes within a yard of me..." Gaz said threateningly.

"Everyone got their new job? Good. You're starting tomorrow."

"But everyone loves me at the cafeteria! I'm teaching the cooks how to-"

"You will obey! _Obey_! As your-"

"But what about-"

"Do not interrupt Zim! If you-"

"But-"

"Do not interrupt Z-"

"Do not interrupt Sam!"

"Do not inter-"

"Do not interrupt Sa-"

"-upt Zim! Do not-"

"-m! Do not interrupt Sam! Do not in-"

"-interrupt Zim! Do not interrupt Z-"

"-terrupt Sam! Do not interrupt- Ah!"

Sam fell off the top bunk and landed painfully on the ground. She glared up at Dib, who was the one who had pulled on her foot, causing her to fall.

"Sorry, but that would have lasted all night," he said.

"-im!" Zim finished. "Like I said, your duties have changed."

Gaz sat on her bed and snarled, "you're going to be down one robot tomorrow."

"Where is Gir, anyway?" Zim asked, looking around the room.

"I think I forgot him in the library," Dib said.

"You left him _alone_? Only I can do that!"

"He was turned off! He won't destroy anything."

"I gave you no permission to turn him off!"

"I couldn't keep him quiet!"

"You're as worthless as your broken arm! I can only imagine what the Tallests would have said if they saw you!"

"Speaking of them," Sam said, climbing back up the bed, "we were invited to have breakfast with them tomorrow morning."

"What? Says who?"

"Says them. They told us we could invite you if we really really really really wanted to."

"Then why didn't you?"

"We didn't want to," Gaz said, pulling an Irken handheld gaming system out from under her pillow.

"You _did_ tell them I trained you, right?" Zim asked, looking at the three.

"No."

"No."

"Yes," Sam said. "Despite being back-stabbed, dragged away from my home planet, exiled from an organization I loved, and losing my one and only chance to present evidence of the paranormal, I still like you. In fact, I was going to invite you to the breakfast whether Gaz and Dib liked it or not."

"I really don't care," Gaz said, playing her game.

"I do!" Dib growled.

"I just hope you don't do anything to make the Tallest mad," Sam said.

"What filth spews from your mouth, pathetic Earth-creature? The Tallest can never be mad at me! I'm their prized invader."

"You know, when you're mad, you talk kind of like...I don't know. Like, you really talk like an alien."

"I assure you, I'm the picture of calm."

"No one says 'I assure you' unless they're writing a book."

"Moving on now!"

"But really," Sam said, "the Tallests hate you. You didn't know that?"

"You're a liar! A putrid, disgusting little liar!"

"Love you, too," Sam snarled. "But you really didn't know?"

"Sam, don't," Dib cut in. Zim was visibly turning red, which is weird considering he's green. "Zim, just ignore her."

"Don't worry, I will." Zim turned and left the room without a second glance.

"Now you did it," Dib said.

"Well, someone had to-"

The door burst open and Zim stormed back in. He grabbed Sam's foot and yanked her back down to the ground.

"You're a liar!" he shouted.

"If I'm a liar then why did I bother you so much?" Sam stood up and glared at him.

"Because you're lying!"

"The truth hurts, space boy!"

"But it's not the truth!"

Gaz gritted her teeth. The noise was distracting from her game.

"It is too! Just ask them, they'll tell you!"

"I don't have to ask because I know you're lying!"

"Guys," Dib said, getting up and trying to pull them apart. "We're going to wake someone up!"

"_STAY OUT OF THIS_!" both Sam and Zim yelled in unison.

Dib backed off a little, but prepared to jump in if things escalated. Gaz decided to do something, but she was so close to finishing the level. She'll do something when she finds a save point.

"You're acting like a toddler!" Sam yelled. "How old are you? Four?"

"I'm older than any human alive on Earth, filth-child!"

"So you're legal then?"

"What?"

"What?"

"I should have left you on the second sun of Saturn when I had the chance!" Zim shouted, resuming the argument.

"Learn your astronomy, our solar system only has one sun!"

"I knew that! I was testing you!"

"Like how you were testing me about the Tallests hating you?"

Save point found and just in time. Zim and Sam looked ready to attack each other. Gaz closed her game, walked up behind Sam, and squeezed a spot around her shoulders. Sam dropped like a rock and lay crumpled on the floor.

Zim and Dib stared at her as Gaz went back to bed.

"What'd you do?" Dib asked.

"Pressure point. Knocks people out. She'll wake up in a few hours. Now go to sleep already."

Zim turned to Dib and glared at him. "You want to say something, too, Dib-stink?"

"I think Sam covered everything."

Zim left the room. When Sam woke up, everyone was asleep and the fight was over.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I don't know if it's because the plot hasn't quite kicked off yet or if it's because of something else, but I feel like this story isn't as good as my last one. Readers, what am I doing wrong?!

* * *

Sam volunteered to cook the breakfast and she spent a good three hours in the kitchen before the other slaves even woke up. Zim, who apparently didn't sleep, came in to scold her for not taking Gaz's job like he had ordered.

"I told the Tallests you trained me. What's the problem?" Sam added what looked like peppers, but tasted like maple syrup, into the "pancake" batter. The "eggs" were done and the "french toast" was still cooking. "If I do well on the breakfast, it'll make you look good, too."

The wheels clicked slowly in Zim's head. She was right of course, but he didn't want to take back an order.

"Fine," he said, "but after breakfast, the Dib-monkey cooks from then on."

* * *

"Okay, now think of the smallest, tiniest, itty-bittiest speck you can," Dib said, looking across the table at the Tallests. "Got it? Now cut it in half."

"Hey, it got smaller!" Purple was genuinely amused.

"Now cut it in half again."

The three human slaves, Zim, and the Tallests were sitting at the leaders' reserved table in the cafeteria. It was like the other tables, only bigger and with a bright and fancy red tablecloth thrown over it. There was a large crowd of Irken onlookers 20 feet from the table who were being held back by the Tallests' guards.

All it took was some good food, a few funny jokes, a discussion on video games, and a few of Dib's mental puzzles for the humans to win over the Tallests. Zim was very upset that his leaders would so easily take to what are suppose to be inferior creatures. They should be working them to death, not inviting them for breakfast!

"That _is_ weird," Sam said, taking a bite of her food. It burned her mouth. It seemed like everything she made burned her mouth. She worried for a second that the Tallests would comment on it, but they didn't seem bothered by the food at all. Gaz and Dib were showing signs of stinging mouths, but we're too polite to say anything about it.

"It goes on forever." Dib noticed Zim's scowl and decided to include him before he did something stupid to ruin it all. "Zim, you try."

"We Irkens have more self-respect than to play childish-"

"Hey, I cut it in half again!" Purple said. Red snickered.

"Zim, just try it," Dib hissed. "You're going to spoil the fun and mess up everything!"

"Alright, fine!" Zim snapped. "What do I do?"

"Just think of the smallest speck you can."

A slave came over and took the empty plates away from the group. Another soon followed with the second round of food. Zim couldn't help but notice the dark looks the slaves gave Gaz, Sam, and Dib, but the humans were oblivious to it.

"Ok."

"Now, cut it in half."

"I can't. The scissors are too big."

"You- what?"

"I have legitimately thought of the smallest speck possible." Zim smiled proudly at the Tallests. "Impressive, no?"

The Tallests looked vaguely annoyed. Dib took the pitcher of aquacium and poured himself a glass, waving away the slave that rushed over to do it for him. The slave growled quietly at him and backed off.

"Hey," Sam said, trying to dispel the tension by changing the subject. "Does anyone else-"

Dib dropped the cup and choked violently on the aquacium. The drink spilled all over the table and Gaz sprang up to aid her brother. Sam grabbed a napkin and started cleaning up the spilt liquid. When it soaked through the napkin and touched her fingers, she yanked her hand back with a yelp. It burned and badly. Gaz continued patting her brother on the back until his choking had calmed to a bad cough.

"What happened?" Red asked.

"It burned!" Dib answered.

Red took the cup and drank from it.

"It's fine to me."

"It does burn," Sam said, using her fork to give the soaked napkin to Gaz and Dib. "What is this stuff made of?"

Gaz dropped the napkin and Dib refused to touch it. Zim laughed maniacally.

"Oh, how the tables have turned! Aquacium burns you just as badly as water burns us! This is just too good!"

"It's not funny, Zim!" Dib shouted.

"That must be why the pancakes I made burned my mouth so much," Sam said. "I used aquacium in the batter."

"Is it poisonous?" Gaz asked.

"I don't think so, but we better get you to the health ward to make sure," Tallest Red said, standing up.

"Wait," Zim said, "you're going _with_ them? Why not get a slave to do it?"

"We have nothing better to do," Purple replied.

"But all the times _I_ got brutally maimed you never-"

Zim was ignored. The Tallests ushered the humans out of the cafeteria and the onlooking Irkens followed close behind, still being held off by the guards. Zim growled and kicked a chair over. "Stupid humans! Stupid slimy, filthy, horrible little-!" Zim grabbed a passing slave and shoved him against the table. A few other slaves stopped to watch. "You! All of you! When the humans come back, I want you to spill aquacium all over them, you hear?"

"What?" the one against the table asked. "We can't do that."

"The Tallests will have our heads!" another said.

"Do not argue with me! The Tallests won't touch you. I know those humans and if you make it look like an accident, they'll tell the Tallests to leave you alone."

The slaves exchanged nervous, but daring glances. None of them liked the humans much. Each of them had been bullied by Gaz into doing her chores, scolded for pausing their work to listen to Dib's paranormal tales, and had to clean more dishes thanks to everyone eating Sam's homemade cooking rather than an easy-to-throw-away-and-not-have-to-wash bag of chips. Plus, the humans had been getting special attention despite being nothing more than slaves. Those three human slaves were popular and made the other slaves look and feel bad. The slaves hated the humans almost as much as they hated the Irkens.

"And we won't get punished for it?" one asked.

"I'll make sure of it," Zim lied. Frankly, he didn't care what happened to the slaves afterwards. "Nothing can go wrong."

The slaves took the full pitcher of aquacium and dumped it out in one of the decorative plants. They set it back in its place and wandered off to wait for the group's return. Zim sat down. About half an hour passed until the Tallests and the humans returned. They sat back down and the slaves scurried over to collect their plates and bring them fresher food. One of them took the empty pitcher and nodded to Zim. Zim scooted further away from Sam, Gaz, and Dib.

"Well?" Zim asked.

"You guys have really cool medical stuff," Dib said.

"They said its not poisonous and we _can_ live off of it like water, but..." Sam trailed off sadly.

"But it's going to hurt," Gaz finished.

"We'll send some drones to collect water for you back on Earth," Red offered.

Zim gripped his cup so tightly that it nearly shattered in his hand.

The slaves returned and set the warm food down in front of the Tallests and the humans. One of the slaves stepped forward with a full pitcher of aquacium. She came up behind the Tallests to minimize the chances of spilling on one of them, and then fell to the ground as if she had tripped. The pitcher went flying. It landed on the table and drenched the three children on the opposite side. Zim struggled to hold in his laughter as the three screamed bloody murder.

The Tallests jumped to their feet. "Guards!"

Three guards swarmed the little slave and grabbed her arms. She screamed.

"No!" Sam yelled, hunched over in pain. "Don't! It was only an accident and we're fine. Really." She sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth and forced a smile. The guards loosened their grip on the slave and turned to the Tallests.

"It's fine," Dib said. The pain started to ebb away as the aquacium dried. "We're fine."

Gaz growled, but didn't say anything. The Tallests waved the guards away and the slave was released. She fell to her knees as relief washed over her. She and the other slaves looked to Zim with new eyes. Someone was actually on their side! And he was an Irken no less! He was someone they could trust! Someone who could help!

The slaves no longer saw Zim as one of the enemies, but as an ally on the inside.

And that's when things went wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Reviews are like dog treats for writers. Post a good chapter? You get a review! Who's a good lil writer? You is! Yes you is! Thank you everyone, your dog treats- I mean reviews are what inspires me to keep going!

* * *

Zim! Master!" A slave reached her hand out of the partially closed door and grabbed the Irken's arm as he was walking down the hallway. He swatted her hand away and glared at her. "Zim," she said, "come inside!"

"Why are you talking to me? Don't you have something that needs to be cleaned?"

"Just come in!"

"I'm not going to-"

The slave grabbed his arm again and pulled him through the door. Zim was not happy.

"Get your filthy hands off of me!" he shouted, wrenching his arm away. "How _dare_ you-" he cut himself short.

They were in a small storage closet. The walls were lined with shelves and cabinets filled with various pieces of spare parts and old, half-finished inventions. There were a few Irken uniforms hanging up on the rack and the light above their heads flickered on and off. There were seven other slaves of all different species huddled in the tiny room. The slave in he middle was holding on to a circular, metal collar with tiny red lights and screws on the side.

"What do you think you're all doing in here?" Zim demanded.

"Zim, we have a plan and we need your help," the slave said. "See, we made this-"

"Tell me what you're doing!"

"I am! We-"

"Tell me!"

"This!" The slave holding the device held it out. "It's a-"

"What is that? Tell me!"

"A bomb," the original slave girl answered. "We're going to kill the Tallests."

"Say again?"

"This thing has a special scanner. It's programmed to lock on to the Tallests' PAKs' signals. If the Tallests come within 100 feet of it, the collar will explode. Of course, the explosion will be big enough the kill everything in a 100 foot radius. With the Tallests dead, Irk will be in a state of panic. That would be the perfect time for the slaves to revolt and take back our freedom!"

"But the scanner can't go through walls," another slave mentioned. "So the Tallests have to meet the device in the same room or out in the open. Though there's not much "open" on the Massive."

"We'll put it around the neck of one of your human slaves," the original slave girl said. "Because the wearer will die in the explosion and we don't like the humans. We'll tell the human that the Tallests had requested to see them. They'll go and BOOM! No more problems for the slaves!" She looked to Zim hopefully. "Will you help us?"

Zim looked at the group in shocked disbelief. "You guys are _crazy_! No way I'm going to help you kill my leaders!"

"I thought you were on our side!" she said. "And you hate the Tallests! They treat your human pets better than they treat you!"

Zim's face darkened. "I'll see you all executed for this horrible, stupid, suicidal-"

He didn't get to finish. The slaves lunged at Zim and bore him to the ground. They clamped their hands over his mouth and held him down. Zim thrashed and kicked, but they only held on tighter.

"What do we do? He'll tell the Tallests on us!"

"Let him." A slave took the collar and snapped it around Zim's neck. They released the Irken and he immediately started pulling at the device.

"Get this filthy thing off of me!" he shouted.

"Get the Tallests to do it for you."

"Idiots! I'll just tell the guards what happened. They'll remove it, you'll be killed, and the Tallests will see my loyalty and love me even more. "

"Good point. Tie him up!" Zim was seized once more. "We'll keep you here. We'll tell the Tallests that you need to show them something in the storage closet, they'll come to see, and we'll be rid of the Tallests and the Irken who knows too much."

The slaves bound Zim with ropes from the cabinet and looped the rope around a particularly heavy shelf's leg. They gagged him with a scarf, then left the closet to find the Tallests.

"Sorry." The slave girl gave Zim an apologetic half-smile then closed the door.

Zim writhed his hands until the ropes, hurting his wrists, started to loosen. He pulled, twisted, and squirmed until one of his hands came loose. He pulled the scarf off and got to work on freeing the other hand. The rope cut deep into his wrist and he pulled until it snapped. He began to untie his feet.

"I don't know what he wants." Zim heard the slave girl's faint voice. It was getting closer. He worked faster, then even faster when he heard Tallest Purple reply.

"He better not have gotten into the secret weapon stash." His voice was even closer now. Zim yanked the last of his binds off and frantically searched for an exit. He couldn't go out the door. The Tallests were out there and the scanner on the neck device would pick up the PAKs. He looked up to see the grate of the ventilation system.

_This is going to be my go-to thing now, isn't it?_ Zim thought. He unscrewed the bolts with his PAK's spider leg and jumped in. He rushed to the next room over and dove in before the Tallests entered the supply closet. He didn't think the scanner could go through the vents, but he wasn't taking any chances. He bolted out the door on the opposite side of the hallway and looked around for someone that could help. He stopped an Irken walking by with a drink.

"You! Do you know where one of the Tallests' guards are?"

"Zim? Why do you need to know? What did you do this time?"

"This thing around my neck is going to kill the Tallests!" Zim shouted. "Tell me where the guards are!"

"W-_What?!_"

"WHERE ARE THE GUARDS?"

"I don't know!"

Zim shoved him aside and stormed off, leaving the flustered Irken behind to ponder his words. The Irken stepped back, and then ran to find the Tallests.

* * *

"He's not here," Tallest Purple looked back to where the slaves were as did the four nearby guards. They were hiding behind the corner at the far end of the hall. Having heard no explosion, they came over and peered inside the closet. The binds were strewn across the floor, cut up.

"Hey, what's going on?" Tallest Red demanded, staring down at the tiny slaves.

The slaves exchanged nervous glances. Who knows where Zim is? Who knows who he told! It was only a matter of time before word about what the slaves tried to do got to the Tallests! Then they'd be goners!

"Think of something," a slave hissed to the original slave girl.

The girl looked to the Tallests, then to the slaves, and then back to the Tallests. She hesitated, then broke down into tears. Screw the plan for freedom. This was for their lives.

"It's Zim! He was going to kill you, my Tallests!" she cried.

"What?"

"He made this collar. H-he was going to take you two down in a murder-suicide. It's programmed to explode when you get too close," she sobbed loudly, rubbing the back of her hand against her eyes. "He threatened to kill us if we didn't help bring you to him. I'm so sorry!"

"You must think we're idiots," Red snarled. "Zim may not be the brightest cookie in the tool shed, but he's as loyal as loyal comes."

"But-"

"Guards, seize these slaves and question them." The guards grabbed on to the nearby members of the slave group. The rest were kept in place with the guard's weapons. "Find out what they were planning and what's _really _going on. Use whatever force necessary."

"No!" the slaves cried.

"I'm telling the truth!" the slave girl said, fighting against the guards. "He was going to do it because you were favoring his human slaves over him! He's the one that made us spill aquacium on them!"

The Tallests looked skeptically at the slaves.

"You have to believe us!"

"My Tallests!" the voice behind them made the Tallests turn. It was an Irken. He was looking scared and he had a drink hanging loosely in his hand. "Has Zim been here?"

"Why?" Red asked. The slaves looked sick.

"I think...Well, I'm just guessing here, but I think he's trying to kill you."

"What makes you think that?" Purple asked, shooting a glance at the slaves.

"He asked me where your guards were. He said this thing around his neck was going to kill you. Then he pushed me and ran off."

"See?!" the slave girl shouted. "See! I told you! It's all Zim!"

"What did he say _exactly_?" Red asked. "Why did he ask about the guards?"

"To make sure they weren't with you!" another slave piped up. "He wanted you to be alone when he did it so no one would know what happened and he wouldn't be dishonored in memory for killing you two!"

Red and Purple looked at each other, unsure of what to do. Finally, Red said, "find Zim. Bring him in for questioning. Try to find out what that thing on his neck is."

The slaves were let loose and the guard ran down the hall to find Zim. Trembling, the slaves took off.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: For the sake of my future, I couldn't update last weekend. I was too busy finishing up my math homework (And by finishing up, I mean doing about two weeks worth of homework in three days and study for a quiz). Which was really silly of me because I found out today that it's not due until next Moday. I dreamed in numbers, people! On the plus side, I got a new Pilot G pen! Woot! Also, did very little editing here, so watch for mistakes!

* * *

Sam, Gaz, and Dib were back in their room. Gaz was playing a video game, Dib was reading a book on the paranormal (and crossing out the untrue facts he came across with a pen), and Sam was doodling on the wall by her top-bunk bed. Two of the Tallests' guards opened the door and came in. The three children looked up quizzically.

"Have any of you three seen Zim?"

They shook their heads. "Why?" Dib asked. "What'd he do this time?"

"There seems to have been some sort of assassination attempt on the Tallests. We need to ask Zim a few questions," the first guard said.

"And we just got comfortable," Sam muttered, thinking about being chased off the Massive like they were off of Earth.

"We're not entirely sure of the situation. That's why we only want to talk to him." Thinking the slaves would be tempted to protect their master by hiding him, he added, "he's not in any trouble yet."

"We haven't seen him since breakfast," Dib said.

The guards nodded, apologized for bothering them, and then left the room. Five minutes later, the door opened and Zim came in. He walked right over to Dib and snatched the book from his hands. He tossed it against the wall and pulled the human to his feet.

"Hey!"

"You're good with technology, pig-smelly. Get this collar off of me."

"Why should I help you when you just-"

"Because this thing is going to kill the Tallests. I need it off _now_!"

"You're actually trying to kill them?" Sam asked as Dib inspected the device.

"No! The slaves set me up. They're trying to pin the murders on me and- Stop pulling on it! Don't you think I tried that?!" Zim slapped Dib's hand away and the human glared at him.

"Fine then! Keep it on!" Dib pushed past Zim and went to retrieve his book. "If you don't want my help, don't ask for it."

"I didn't _ask_ for your help, you slug. I ordered you to help because that's what Irkens do to their slaves. They order them around. And I don't even need your help!"

"If you don't need my help, then why's that thing still on your neck?"

"Be quiet!"

"The guards are looking for you," Gaz said, her voice bored and uncaring. "Thought I'd tell you since no one else seems to be."

"Oh, good. I've been looking everywhere for them. I'm sure they can point me to the nearest brain-dead goldfish because that's the minimum amount of smarts it takes to figure out how to get this thing off." He glared at Dib.

"Again, it's still on your neck." 

* * *

"Did you find Zim yet?" The slaves trotted to keep up with the two guards who were going door-to-door, searching every room. "He's dangerous, you know."

"We only want to ask him a few questions to get things cleared up. You are still our main suspects."

"Shoot first, ask questions later," the original slave girl said. "You know he'll lie to save himself. You should just get him on the spot. Kill him before he kills you."

The guards gave her an annoyed look and the other slaves pulled her back.

"What are you doing?" one whispered. "They're getting suspicious!"

"Zim'll tell everyone what we did and they'll end up believing him. The Tallests were right, he's as loyal as loyal comes!"

"Then we'll get rid of him ourselves," another slave suggested.

"That would make us look even more guilty. He has to die either by himself or by the guards!"

"Then let's scare him off! Make him run. If he runs, he'll look guilty. We'll stay, we'll look innocent."

The slaves stopped walking and let the guards get further and further ahead.

"That's a great idea," the girl said. "And I think I know how to do it."

* * *

She caught Zim just as he was leaving the humans' room. "Zim!"

The Irken turned at the sound of the voice and snarled. "You!" Zim grabbed her and pushed her against the door. "You better get this thing off of me right now!"

"I can't! It's rigged to explode if it's removed!"

That was a lie, but Zim was fooled.

"_WHAT_?!"

"The wearer wasn't suppose to survive so we didn't bother to make it removable. Look, I'm sorry I dragged you into all of this. I feel bad, so let me help you."

"You're nothing but a slave. What could you possibly do to help?"

"Make sure you survive." _Y__ou rude little bug_, she added in her mind. "The Tallests' guards are coming after you. They're going to kill you when they find you, so you have to steal one of the ships in the hangar and get out of here."

"Don't lie to me with your filthy lying lies. The Tallests would never think I'm trying to kill them."

"They _don't_ think you're trying to, but because you have the collar, you're a threat. The collar can't be removed unless the wearer dies. They're going to kill you, throw you to space, and have a Sir Unit take it off so the explosion won't hurt anyone. But if I have enough time, I can find a way to take the collar off safely. When I do, I'll find you and then you can return to the Massive."

"And I'm suppose to believe you'd let me do that even if it means you getting executed with your friends?"

"The other slaves that were in on it are already dead. There's just me. When you're gone and I'm found, I'll tell them my plan and they'll let me live long enough to find a way to remove the collar. I'll tell you how to take it off and be long gone by the time you return to the Massive. Everyone wins." The lies just slid off her tongue like water. It's a skill slaves picked up pretty quickly.

"I don't want _you_ to win."

"You have no choice unless you want to die."

Zim hesitated and thought. While here, he was at a constant risk of accidentally running into the Tallests, which would kill him, accidentally running into the guards, who would kill him, or running into vengeful friends of the dead slaves who, of course, would kill him. None of those options sounded good. But if he stole a ship and escaped, the Tallests would be safe, he'll be safe, and upon his return with the collar off, he'll be hailed as a hero for his quick thinking. Yes, that sounded good.

"Alright. Fine."

"Take your humans with you." She was hoping that if the slaves ran off with Zim, they'd be accused of being accomplices. "So they don't get accused of being accomplices."

"I don't care what happens to the humans."

"But you need them to walk ahead of you to make sure you don't accidentally run into a guard or the Tallests."

"I knew that! I was going to say that, but you interrupted me!"

The slave gave Zim an annoyed look as he re-entered the humans' room and called them to join him in the hall. He told them the plan and gave them directions to the ship hangar.

Dib gave Zim a weird look. "Won't running just make you look even more gu-GKK!" The slave kicked Dib in the knee.

"I don't want to leave," Sam said sadly as she and the group started walking. "I was suppose to cook for a smeet's birthday party. I'm great with cakes!"

They turned a corner and opened a door. After making sure there were no guards or Tallests, they waved Zim in.

"I don't want to go either," Dib said as they took the teleporter to the hangar. "For once, people believe me when I talk about the paranormal. And they don't call me names or make fun of me, either."

They entered the hangar and looked to Gaz. Gaz looked back, still holding on to the Irken game console.

"Will this thing still work when we're off the Massive?" She asked. Zim nodded. "Then I'm cool either way."

The hangar was a giant room filled with ships of all shapes and sizes across the floor and hanging in the air. There was a staircase on the side that led to a platform above the first floor ships where a control panel was located. To their luck, the place was empty.

Zim left the group and walked to where his Voot Runner was stored. He opened the glass, climbed in, and said, "thank you for your services. You have been a big help. Et cetera et cetera. Bye now."

"Wait!" Sam caught the window just as it was closing. "You're just going to leave us here?"

"Yes."

"You can't do that!"

"I thought you wanted to stay."

"Not badly enough to miss out on an adventure like this! Earth bored me to tears and the Massive will eventually lose its charm. I want to see more!"

"Hm, then maybe one day you will." The glass started closing once more, but Sam caught it again.

"Let me rephrase that: You're not going anywhere without us."

"My answer is no, human stink-monster. Now get your hands off my ship."

"Then you're not leaving."

Zim glared at Sam, then turned to Dib.

"I'll go, too, if only to have the joy of watching you get taken down by your own people," Dib said.

Zim looked to Gaz. Wait, no he didn't. Where was Gaz?

"Hey," Gaz's voice rang out from the top of one of the bigger ships hanging high above their heads. "If we're going to steal a ship, we might as well steal a good one. There's no way I'm going to spend a single second in that cramped little tool box."

"We won't be stealing a ship, we'll be taking mine! And how'd you get up there, anyway?"

"So they could track it? Right, very smart."

"They'll track us on that one, too, dumb-sister."

"Not if they don't know which one to track."

Gaz jumped from the ship and on to the control panel's platform. She clicked buttons and pulled levers until a ship on the opposite side of the hangar slipped off the holding rack. A loud whirring sound made the children below clamp their hands to their ears. A giant door opened and the ship was lowered on a conveyer belt. It was rolled out of the giant door and the door closed behind the ship. More chaotic noise ensued and the ship was shot out of the Massive.

"What do you think you're doing?" Zim yelled.

Gaz couldn't hear him over the noise in the room. She unleashed five other ships, then pulled her own choice down from the rack. She placed the ship on the conveyer belt, then ran down to the floor and chased after the ship. She grabbed on to it's door and jumped aboard. "If you're coming, come now! Hurry!"

Sam and Dib ran for the ship as it got closer to the giant door leading to the launch pad. They jumped aboard and frantically waved Zim over.

"I'm not going to-"

"There he is!"

Zim spun around fast to see the guards, who were alerted by the noise, running towards him. He bolted for the ship and climbed on just as the giant door shut. The kids ran inside and closed the ship's door, then were all thrown backwards as the ship was launched into space. Zim got to his feet and took the pilot's chair. Sam, Gaz, and Dib came up behind him.

"Right," Dib said, leaning against the back of the alien's seat. "Where to now?"

Zim blinked. "Oh, yeah. We have to have a destination, don't we?"

* * *

A/N: Shout out to ngrey651 for being a loyal reader!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry, very short chapter! Also, I'm not going to lie, my goal for the chapter after this one is to get someone to cry.

* * *

The humans were lounging around the cockpit, bored after four days of being locked on the ship, wandering around the universe for a place to go. Luckily, the stolen ship was packed with enough aquacium and food to last them another three weeks. To kill some time, they experimented on the aquacium, seeing if anything they could do to it would make it burn them less. The humans found out that by filtering and boiling the snot out of it, they could lessen the burning sensation to almost nothing. Having solved their problem, the humans got bored again. There were no books or games on the ship except for Gaz's stolen console, but the group valued their limbs too much to try to take it from her. She beat it seven times since they left the Massive and even she was starting to get bored.

Dib lazily raised his hand and pointed to a nearby planet. "How about we go to that one?"

"Can't," Zim said. "It's been conquered by the Irkens. They'd report us."

"What about that one?"

"Enemy of the Irkens. They'll see me and kill us all on sight."

"That one?"

"Ally of the Irkens. They'd report us."

Sam came over and sat on the floor by Zim's chair. "So, has Earth just been, like, the planetary equivalent of an anti-social kid who sits alone in the corner and talks to himself?"

"Basically," Zim said.

"Was that a pass at me?" Dib asked.

"Only partially."

Dib sighed and turned back towards the window. "What about that planet?"

"Now I think you're doing this on purpose," Zim snarled. "It's an inhabited wasteland. No food, no aquacium."

"I vote we go back to Earth," Sam said, standing. "If we're going to die, we might as well do it from the comfort of our own planet."

"We're not going to die and we're not going to Earth!" Zim said. "We'll find another planet eventually. And we only have to be there until the slave finds out how to remove the collar."

"I want Earth! We can land in some forest where there are no people and live off the land like wild animals and homeless people. That was my fallback option when I was picking what I wanted to be when I grew up, a hobo." Sam leaned against the control board, looking to see if she could figure out what any of the buttons did.

"Back up, human. You smell bad."

"I haven't bathed since the day of the Swollen Eyeballs election, Zim. And get use to the smell because our boxcar is going to reek of it."

Gaz growled from her spot in he corner of the room. "If I have to live in a boxcar, I'm taking that collar off and blowing us all the kingdom come."

Zim gave Gaz a dark look. "I don't like you."

"Relax," Sam said. "She can live in the ground like a rabbit. There's got to be an abandoned rabbit's burrow we can find for her. And if it's not abandoned, survival of the fittest, baby. We're having rabbit for dinner!"

"Bring us back to Earth, Zim," Dib pleaded. "Don't keep me locked up in here with them."

Sam scoffed. "More rabbit for me."

"Alright, alright," Zim said. "If it will get you human stink pig...creature...things to shut up faster, I'll bring you back to Earth. Are you happy now?"

"Yes."

"Yes,"

"I'm never happy," Gaz said.

"I'm always happy!" Sam chirped.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Zim shouted. "I'll take you to Earth, but you can't say another word for the rest of the trip!"

Everyone sat down and went silent. They passed awkward glances, looked out the window, and inspected the floor. Finally, Sam said, "I feel like we're missing something."

"I warned you, human."

"No, really. I feel like we're forgetting something. Something important.

"Is it Dib's arm?" Zim looked over to Dib. "Wasn't your arm broken?"

"Oh, right. Back at the medical ward on the Massive, when we went there because of the aquacium incident, the Irken doctors fixed my arm for me. Funny, they were complaining about the inferiority of human doctors because human doctors haven't yet been able to figure out how to fix broken arms quickly."

"That's not it," Sam said. "We're forgetting something else."

"Stink-Sam," Zim said, "if whatever you're trying to remember was even the slightest bit important, we would have found out what it was way before now."

"I know," Sam said, biting her lip. "But still...what could we be forgetting?

* * *

Gir leapt to his feet the moment the "on" switch was touched.

"Happy birthday!" he shrieked, arms up in a happy pose. He smiled and looked around at the Irken guards surrounding him. "Hi!"


	9. Chapter 9

"There it is!" Sam shouted, running to the window. The bright and blue planet floated lazily in the black void of space. "I never thought I'd miss that giant rock so much!" She gasped. "Our families are probably worried sick about us! It's been about a week, hasn't it? Let's go see them!"

"I thought we were going to live in a boxcar in the woods," Dib said, watching Gaz beat her game for the eleventh time.

"But we can go see our families first, right? Afterwards we can run off and become hobos."

"Dad will be so proud," Gaz said sarcastically.

"Will the Swollen Eyeballs be monitoring your homes in case you come back?" Zim asked.

"Not after a week. They'll assume we're dead or found somewhere else to hide," Dib said. He joined Sam at the window. "You know, maybe we should go see our parents."

"If you get caught, I'm not helping you again," Zim said.

* * *

"You know the plan." Zim turned the cloaking device on and hovered above the city's streets. "I drop you humans off at your houses and we meet up in an hour at the park. If you're late, you have a fifteen minute grace period, then I leave without you."

"We get it. We get it." Sam was eager to see her family again. She hasn't moved from her spot against the window since Earth first came into view.

The first to be dropped off was Sam. She lived on the other side of the city in a small house nestled between two larger ones. She had a beautiful flower garden in the front yard and Sam told the group in a nostalgic voice that she had planted those flowers with her father on Mother's Day to surprise her mom. They did the backyard, too, and even added a koi pond.

Zim parked the ship behind a few trees a few houses down to avoid anyone accidentally bumping into it. Sam was already out the door by the time the engines shut off, racing towards her house. Dib, Gaz, and Zim got out to enjoy a quick taste of sunshine, something they haven't had in an entire week. It had _only_ been a week, but it felt like forever. The moment the three stepped outside, they felt something was wrong. There were papers stapled to phone poles with Sam's picture on them, proclaiming the missing status of the girl and begging for information. A newspaper page fluttered by on the breeze with a different photo of Sam with a another "Missing" caption. _Her parents must have been really scared_, Dib thought, taking a few steps towards Sam's house. _A week is a long time to be gone_.

"Dib-Stink, where are you going? Your house is next. We have to go."

"I just want to see their reactions," he said, continuing towards Sam's house. "Just give me a second."

Dib trotted over and slipped, unnoticed, behind one of Sam's hedges. Sam was standing very still on the porch, her back to Dib, and staring intently at the closed door in front of her. Her hands clenched and unclenched like she was gathering up the courage to knock. Finally, Sam took a deep breath and threw open the door.

"Mom? Dad? I'm home!" she called out and walked inside. Her voice cracked on the last word.

Dib couldn't see much through the narrow doorway, but he saw Sam take another step and look to her left. Tears filled her eyes and her mom and dad appeared beside her. They raced to her and scooped her up in their arms. To say their reunion was tearful would be an understatement. They cried and squeezed their daughter tight, relief and joy robbing them of their ability to speak. They held her and kissed her and cried nonstop. Somewhere inside, a dog barked and Dib saw a golden retriever trot over to the family. Sam shouted the dog's name, her choked voice making it impossible to hear what it was, and wrangled out of her parents grip to kneel down and hug her companion. Her parents knelt down as well and hugged both her and the dog.

Dib took a step back, then headed back to Zim and Gaz with a smile on his face. His sister and the alien were waiting for him when he returned.

"About time, stink-boy." Zim entered the ship and the humans followed. Dib and Gaz's house was next.

* * *

The two siblings stood on the porch much like Sam had done a few minutes ago. _A whole week_. The last time their dad had seen them was in the hospital. Dib had almost forgotten about that. His arm use to be cracked and in a sling, but now it was as good as it ever had been.

_And dad will be so happy. _

"Go in already," Gaz hissed, still holding her game. "The batteries are running low on this thing."

Did nodded, took a breath, then reached for the knob. He turned it and his heart leapt in his chest.

It was locked.

"Just move!" Gaz pushed her brother to the side and bent to pull a key out from under the mat. She inserted it into the lock and opened the door. They walked inside.

"Dad?" Dib called. "We're home!"

No response.

Gaz made straight for the kitchen and grabbed a soda from the fridge. She climbed up on the counters and took out the ingredients to make herself a sandwich. Dib watched her in disbelief, then ventured further into the house alone to look for his dad.

"Dad?" Professor Membrane's room was neat, tidy, and empty.

"Dad?" Professor Membrane's office was neat, tidy, and empty.

Dib searched the whole house high and low, but didn't find a single trace of his father. He looked into his own room and found it exactly as he had left it: messy, but organized. Dib gave up and returned to the living room, where a blinking, red light to his side caught his attention. It was the answering machine, alerting the house that there were unheard messages saved to the recorder. Dib clicked the button and listened to the earliest one.

"Son! Daughter!" Membrane's peppy and over-energetic voice came from the speakers and a stab of sadness hit Dib in the chest. "The doctor told me you two had gone back home all by yourselves. Very good! I hope you made it safe. Remember to finish up the chores and study hard!"

Dib clicked for the next message. "Professor Membrane." Agent Tunaghost's voice came up from the machine and Dib perked up. "I regret to inform you that your son Dib has gone missing. Please call me at-"

_Click_. Dib clicked for the next message. It was Professor Membrane again. "Children, I'm going to be staying over at the lab again tonight. Order yourselves a pizza and make sure to get to bed on time. And remember, I'll be picking you two up from school tomorrow, so be sure to wait for me there."

_Click_. "I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up from school today like I promised, but I've been so busy doing science! I'll make it up to you two by taking you both out to dinner when I get home tonight."

_Click_. "I'm afraid we are going to have to cancel the dinner plans. Something came up last minute at the lab. If you get hungry, there's-"

_Click_. These were starting to sound familiar. "This is your daily reminder to eat healthy, study hard, do your chores, and feed the puppy."

The puppy's been dead for two years and he died a full grown dog. The pre-recorded message must be very old.

_Click_. "This is your daily reminder to eat healthy, study hard-"

_Click_. "Professor Membrane," Tunaghost's voice returned. "You have yet to get back to me about your son. I was sure that someone who cares so much about the well being of his child would-"

_Click_. "This is your daily reminder to eat healthy, study-"

_Click_. "This is your daily reminder to eat healthy, study hard, do-"

_Click_.

End of messages.

There were no worried notes, no missing posters, and no newspaper pleads. It has been an entire week and their father had no idea they've been gone.

Gaz entered the living room with her sandwich and a bag of chips. Dib watched her plop down on the couch and use the remote to turn the TV on. It was hooked up to her video game and she immediately grabbed the controller and started playing. Dib remained standing by the answering machine, quietly examining his sister's indifferent and uncaring face.

The phone rang and Dib jumped in surprise. He looked to the caller ID and found the number of his father's lab flashing on the screen. He took a second to choke back the rising emotion in his throat then fumbled for the phone. He dropped it once, then answered it.

"H-hello?" His voice rose with hope.

"This is your daily reminder to eat healthy, do your chores, study hard, and feed the puppy."

_Click_. _Beeeeep_.

Dib put the phone down and went to sit next to his sister on the couch. Her eyes remained fixated on the game and every so often she would take a bite of her sandwich or drank a sip from her soda.

"Dad's not here," Dib said.

"Cool," Gaz said.

"He didn't know we were gone."

"Why should he?"

"Doesn't it bother you even a little?"

Gaz let out an annoyed sigh and paused her video game. She put the controller down and turned to face her brother.

"Alright, listen Dib. I don't care about dad or what we mean to him, which, obviously, is very little. All I see him as is a free-food ticket and a tool I can use to get you to leave me alone. Nothing more. We don't have a dad, Dib. We have a DNA donor that happens to visit us every few months. I have severed all emotional attachments to him and if you were as smart as your head is big, you'd do the same." Gaz picked the controller back up and continued her game. "You're older than me. You should know this by now.

Dib sat back quietly and watched his sister play.

_I don't sign autographs backstage, little boy. _

_Dad, I'm your son!_

Dib didn't say another word for the remaining hour.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: As much as it hurts to say this, I'm getting tired of Invader Zim. I'm starting to dislike some of the episodes and this fanfiction is starting to bore me. So, I'm quiting it *Boos and angry shouts from the crowd* I know, I know, but I still planned out a good portion of this story and I don't want it to go to waste, so I'll give you a synopsis ending because I hate it when people just abandon their fanfictions with no closure. So, here's what would have happened:

Edit: Ok, maybe I'm not really losing interest in IZ. I rewatched episodes, got into the fanfiction/art again...Maybe I just hit burnout and needed a break. Anyway, if I start writing fanfiction again, it'll be a different story, but that probably won't happen. This fanfic took over my life!

* * *

It would begin with Zim waiting in the park with his disguise on, muttering to himself about how he could just leave the Earthlings there and go off on his own while making no move to actually do it. He says "Right, Gir?" then finally notices that the robot is missing. He blames the humans for not listening to him when he said they were forgetting something despite Sam being the one to say it, not him). Zim then says "Well, at least Gir's not stupid enough to do something like tell the Irkens where Earth and our base is." and we'd cut to Gir telling the Irkens where Earth and their base is. Back on Earth,a Swollen Eyeball member sees Zim in the park and tells his branch.

Dib and Gaz arrive early, Sam arrives late. Sam says it was hard to sneak out because her parents were so worried and wouldn't leave her alone. She asked how Dib and Gaz managed to do it and Dib lashes out and yells at her. While they're fighting, the Swollen Eyeballs (SE From now on) ambush them and take them to the nearest base where they're put on trial to overturn the death sentence. Zim tells the SE that they were always on the SE's side and only lied about Zeke to get on the Irkens' good side. He tells them he's a double agent (a lie) and has been causing the Irkens trouble since his birth because he didn't agree with what they do (also a lie. All his troublemaking was unintentional). He offers his PAK, which is filled with his memories, as proof. The SE sees all the terrible things he has done (Sole purpose of the failure of Impending Doom 1, Megadoomer's destruction, destroying half the Irken fleet with Mars, etc.) and believes him. He even tells them he volunteered in a suicide mission to kill the Irken leaders and shows them the collar.

He and the humans are put on parole to be sure that it's not another trick (They get an SE member to watch them) and they're sent to do some paranormal research in England because there has been such increased activity there that SE members living in England are leaving the organization and getting out of there because they're scared. It's like the ghosts and creatures are targeting them specifically.

Meanwhile, Tak and three other invaders are sent after Zim thanks to Gir's directions.

When they arrive in England, they have multiple run-ins with these demon-like monsters, nearly getting killed each time. After the first one, Dib says he no longer wants to be a paranormal investigator (though he didn't mean it. He was just emphasizing how horrible the experience was) and says he understands why the SE members would leave after that.

Eventually, Tak and the group find Zim and the humans. Zim says "Of course they'd send YOU after me." and a fight breaks out. The SE parole officer is still watching them, so he runs to get help from other SE members. (By the way, he's about Dib's age, so he couldn't stay and help them fight). The SE comes, but go inside the Irkens' ship to self-destruct it so the aliens will be stuck there. In the fight, the collar gets broken off of Zim's neck and he realizes that the slave lied about it exploding when removed. He throws it towards the ship and an SE member runs out to grab it because she remembered Zim said it could explode (and the SE couldn't figure out how to blow up the ship on it's own). The collar was already made to explode, so it was easier to figure out how to blow it up. The Irkens see what the humans are doing and run to protect their ship. The SE people set an explosion timer and run out when the Irkens run in. Having no way to stop the timer, the Irkens run out. Their ship explodes and the three Irkens are taken into custody.

Parole is lifted from the kids and Dib and Sam are back in the organization officially. Gaz refuses entrance, preferring to go back to being normal. Zim accepts entrance, but only long enough to break the three Irkens out of the SE jail. Since they were in a small, base jail aiting to be tranfered to the main headquarters in Hawaii, all Zim had to do was destroy the security cameras to get them out without anyone knowing it was him. The SE thought the Irken prisoners broke themselves out and didn't blame Zim.

Because Zim helped them escape and gave them one of his ships, Tak agrees to tell the Tallests his side of the story. The slaves are execute and Zim is welcomed back to the Irken forces (As welcome as he can be, anyway. He's still a mess-up in their eyes) he tells the Tallests he takes back what he said about Earth and he will continue to try to take Earth over. Dib and Sam agree not to tell the SE on him if he quits the organization. Zim does and everything goes back to the way it was before.

I then make an A/N saying how much I loved writing this (and I did!) and shoutout to my wonderful reviewers (which is all of you)

Goodbye and happy reading, you filthy pig-smellies!


End file.
